This is the last entry of the year. I hope 2010 was a good year for everybody and that 2011 is even more excellent. Let’s get right to it.
In the sixteen years since my first wedding there is one thing that has remained consistent. No matter how cool the temperature at wedding time, the groom always has that sheen of sweat across the forehead. Couples feel the pressure as their marriage draws near no matter how many years of togetherness have passed before the wedding.
Most of this pressure is self-inflicted and the result of not seeing the whole picture of their wedding service. Brides and grooms – and their families – often get too caught up in the details of the service to the point that it can become tedious for everybody.
There are a number of things that everybody should remember about the wedding service that will help the bride and groom to remain calm on their wedding day.
First, let’s look at the source of the nervousness. I would say a very small percentage of the pressure couples feel is because of concern over whether this is the right thing to do with the right person. Again, I say very small because I believe that the vast majority of couples believe that the person they stand with before me is the right person and that marriage is the right choice.
A second source of pressure is from family members on either side who may not feel that the marriage is a good idea. Again, an extremely small number of weddings have even a hint of this feeling about them as most families are on their best behavior on the wedding day whether they are completely into it or not – for the kids.
So, ninety-five percent of the nervousness that couples feel on their wedding day is the result of their wedding happening in front of a live audience. Brides, grooms, and families can start to feel like the wedding service is a show or a concert where brides and grooms will be expected to perform before critics and the media.
Here is a list of things brides and grooms should remember to help them through this.
First of all, a wedding is not some public event with the photographer from the newspaper standing ready with the camera in case the bride trips or the groom drops the ring. The people in attendance are your friends and family and the photographer is the one you hired to make you look good. No matter what happens in front of these people it will be fine. They love you and will be happy no matter what happens during your service. Plus, if anything funny does happen, it will just be a good story to tell for the rest of your life.
Next, most couples don’t realize that the wedding service, although it may be attended by hundreds, is really something that takes place between the three of us up at the front. Your backs are turned to the audience during half the service and you turn to face each other the other half. You only have to turn and face the crowd as you exit, so the actual service is something that feels very intimate just between us.
Third, long before you arrive at the altar in front of me we will have worked out the text of your service. I will have it before me and I will direct you through it with the greatest of ease. I will have two voices – big voice and small voice. With big voice I will speak to everybody in the room. In small voice I will direct you every step of the way, telling you when to turn and face each other, when to answer a long question with “I do,” when to repeat after me, when to hand your flowers to the maid of honor and when to get them back and face everybody for the pronouncement.
The last thing you should remember about your wedding service is that you really don’t have to remember anything for your wedding service. Unless you choose to memorize your vows, which I highly discourage, you should just clear your mind and take mental pictures as I guide you through your service, telling you what to do and what to say every step of the way.
The only thing I ever instruct anyone to remember for their wedding service is for the bride to remember to lift the front of her dress if she has to walk up stairs to the altar so she doesn’t trip on the hem of her dress. Otherwise, going in with a clear and worry-free mind is the best way to approach a wedding service.
Beautiful Music. Often at the end of each blog entry I like to mention wedding venues and vendors in the North Georgia area that cross my path. Recently I had the good fortune to work with a most excellent pianist named Kristin Horne. Please keep her in mind as you plan your wedding. Kristin also plays at receptions and offers lessons for children and adults at her studio located at 2167 Atlanta Hwy SE in Statham, GA, or you can call her at 678-334-5264. She is very smooth, very professional, and will attend your rehearsal for a small, extra fee, which is over and beyond the call of duty for most wedding musicians.
-Rev. Sam
