If there is one thing I’ve learned by being a wedding minister for the last sixteen years or so it’s this: there is no end to the variation in how people feel about things, including weddings. Many guys are completely prepared to spend a day in formal dress and be perfect gentlemen. Others area dragged out from under the car, out in the yard, or on top of the house and asked to comb their hair, put on a suit, and act like they’ve been there before.
For the guys who aren’t used to being dressed up and in formal situations – much less being one of two focal points of the whole day while in an uncomfortable monkey suit – there are just a few key things that you probably don’t know – and should.
If you don’t wear a suit on a regular basis, you probably don’t know that men are supposed to leave the bottom button of their vest and/or suit jacket unbuttoned (unless the lapel comes down past the top button). It may not matter to you, but others who are in the know will notice that when they look at the pictures. Lots of photographers will point this out, but not all of them are aware of this fashion tip.
Many theories have been put forth regarding why this trend evolved. Some of them involve men carrying pistols or the length of their waistcoats, but the predominant theory is a matter of royal fashion involving King Edward II, a chunky person who left his bottom buttons undone so that sitting down was easier without risk of losing them. The other gentlemen saw this and copied him for whatever reason. The trend stuck and nowadays to really look GQ you gotta leave them unbuttoned.
Another tip for grooms is to get your hair cut at least two weeks before the wedding and do not get it cut any differently than you normally do. It’s better to look like yourself in your wedding pictures instead of some guy that got hauled in, kicking and screaming, to be sheared. Do NOT get your hair cut super-short just before your wedding. Better to just be yourself.
Most men do not carry handkerchiefs anymore. Since germs have become celebrities, tissues and hand sanitizer are everywhere and the idea of blowing your nose in a handkerchief and putting it back into your pocket passed away with the last generation. However, if there is one day when you NEED a handkerchief it is on your wedding day. The main reason is if your bride starts to cry during your service, it should be YOU who whips out a handkerchief for her – like her like knight in shining armor.
I learned this lesson the hard way. Since the second time I got stuck at the altar with a bawling bride and no handkerchief among the men in the wedding party, I am always careful to arm the groom with one before each service if he doesn’t already have one. This is just pure experience talking.
Some grooms get a little teary themselves. That’s OK. Handkerchiefs work both ways, so if you are a groom and you need to wipe away a tear, use the handkerchief. This will usually happen at the repeat-after-me part. If it happens to you, take a moment to use the handkerchief. This will give you a bit of time to collect yourself. Hint: think about baseball. That trick is handy in places other than the bedroom.
The last piece of advice I have for grooms is to act like they are enjoying their wedding day even if they are uncomfortable or would rather be watching football. Record the game and watch it later if it is that important to you. I can guarantee you this day is important to your future wife, so you should get used to the idea of being sweet to her and doing things for her even if it puts you out a little bit. You are entering a new phase of your life where it is no longer just about “me.” There is a “we” to consider now. You will be well served to get used to the idea of doing things together when it might not be your first choice of how to spend your day. A good place to start is putting on a happy face on your wedding day. Football can wait.
-Rev. Sam
