This
year, as I pass the twenty-five year, one thousand wedding mark in my career as
a wedding minister, I realize that this is a good time to share my experience
by listing the top five wedding mistakes I have seen happen over and over again
through the years, especially at weddings where there is no professional
wedding coordinator on the job.
But
regardless of whether you have professional help or if you are a do-it-yourself
kind of bride, these are the top five pitfalls you want to avoid.
The
biggest and worst mistake one can make when planning a wedding is picking a
spot in the direct sun. If you must get married outside pick a spot in the FULL
shade. And I mean EVERYBODY in the full shade, including the attendees.
Here’s
why. Georgia is a very warm state during the spring and summer months. For my
part, even an outside wedding that DOES have some shade is just simply a bad
idea from May until October because of the heat, humidity, bugs, and possibly
the stress from the threat of rain. The heat can be especially brutal for the
elderly members of your families.
But a
wedding out in the direct sunlight is the ultimate misery.
So
let’s say the weather is good and the temperature and humidity are all fine,
why not outside and in the direct sun? Because of the glare. Invariably,
somebody at an outside wedding is going to have the sun in their eyes. And even
if the sun is directly overhead, it is still hard to be out there without
squinting and with eyes watering. And for my part, following your ceremony on a
white, printed page, is like having lasers pointed at your eyes.
Hoping
your wedding day will be cool with no humidity in this part of the world is an
extreme gamble any time of year. Again, if you MUST get married outside, which
I strongly suggest you DON’T do, make sure your location is in the full shade
for everybody involved and be sure to provide hand-held fans.
And in
addition, and very importantly, direct sun is the worst for your photographs.
Just ask your photographer (who, along with everyone else, is also salivating
at that nice, air-conditioned space just a few steps away).
The
second worst mistake is tying the wedding rings to a pillow and giving them to
a small child (under 8 years old). Even the notion of doing this is actually a
myth. You don’t know what this child is going to do when it comes time to walk
down the aisle so you can’t depend on the rings being there when you need them.
If you have a child eight or under as your ring bearer, use fake rings on the
pillow and give the real rings to the best man.
So,
what if your ring bearer if over eight years old, should you still tie rings to
a pillow and have him walk down with them? I would say no. If I pull that
string and the tiny ribbon knots up, then my only option is to cut the rings
off the pillow or rip them off with neither option very desirable.
The
third worst mistake is talking to each other during the ceremony. This may seem
obvious, but you would be surprised to know how many couples feel that it is OK
to start having a conversation with one another in a normal voice during the
ceremony. This usually happens at a big, outdoor wedding where I am wearing a
microphone and my voice is coming out over big loudspeakers in the back.
This is
a not a good look. Ideally you are listening to the words that are uniting you
in marriage and taking them to heart. What really makes this seem inappropriate
is when I am talking TO the couple while they talk TO each other. On top of
that, I’m right there. I can hear you. My inclination is to stop and see what
you are saying because I feel it’s rude to talk when somebody else is talking.
However, I can’t stop and must power through, ignoring you to the best of my
ability while I try to use my skills as a good public speaker to keep folks
engaged.
Also,
the people attending will stop listening to what I’m saying to concentrate on
you and what you may be saying to each other, maybe trying to read your lips,
which is also disruptive to the ceremony. You will have the rest of your lives
to talk to each other. So if you must say anything to each other during the
ceremony, either mouth it or whisper it during a break in the action.
The
fourth worst mistake is including dogs in the ceremony. Almost every couple I
marry these days already lives together, often owning a dog together. And the
inclination to include the dog in the ceremony may be as strong as wanting to
include a child. Even if your dog is an old dog and completely chill, it’s
probably not a good idea. They are animals and very unpredictable.
The
focus of the day should be completely on the bride and we don’t want animals to
compete with that, especially should they need to answer the call of nature
during the ceremony. However, in my experience, the success rate of having
animals in your ceremony is about 30 per cent so it may be worth the gamble
because he is a sweet boy! Yes he is!
The
fifth worst mistake is not having a rehearsal led by someone with real wedding
experience. If you are having a full wedding with bridesmaids, groomsmen, maybe
a ring bearer or flower girl, and the escorting of mothers and grandmothers in
and out as part of the ceremony, then you will NEED to have a rehearsal of some
kind. That is extremely important so everyone will know what to do on your
wedding day.
But
most importantly, and I can’t stress this enough, don’t let someone without
real wedding industry experience lead your rehearsal or direct your wedding
ceremony. Sure, Aunt Jenny had a successful career doing event planning. But
she has no experience with actual WEDDING planning. So she will get everything
right except the ceremony itself.
And sure,
it’s not the end of the world and no lives will be lost if the whole thing ends
up being a cluster. The joy of the day will overcome it all. But most people
would prefer a ceremony that is lovely and smooth over the one where the couple
is sweating in the boiling sun talking over the minister while wearing rings he
had to cut off the pillow as the dog poops in front of Grandma’s seat.
-Rev.
Sam
