The Wedding Kiss (Good and Bad News Bears)

A wedding is generally a marathon of planning. However, there is usually no planning for the most important single moment of any wedding: the wedding kiss. Like any other aspect of a wedding, the wedding kiss deserves thought and consideration for yourselves, your partner, the attendees, and the photographer.

There is not much information on the internet about the perfect wedding kiss. Here is one of the few things I came across that you might find just a bit helpful. Also, you might search for a photo of the royal wedding kiss between Prince William and Princes Katherine. Otherwise, I will rely on my extensive experience to help guide you through this important part of your wedding ceremony.

It’s a lot to ask of nervous brides and grooms to have some kind of presence of mind at the culmination of the wedding ceremony, which is the most romantic and important moment of the entire day – and perhaps your entire lives. Couples should actually practice the wedding kiss because there is a lot that can go wrong and many elements to consider.

There are basically three types of wedding kisses. For ease of understanding, you can break it down into the story of the three bears. There’s the baby bear kiss, the father bear kiss, and the mamma bear kiss.

The baby bear kiss is the quick, uncomfortable peck that only lasts a second. In more informal settings you may be urged to do it again because this type of kiss doesn’t allow for pictures. The baby bear kiss usually happens because of awkward shyness but gives the appearance of reluctance and doubt. The baby bear kiss is over much too quickly and without enough emotion to satisfy anybody.

By contrast, the father bear kiss makes everybody uncomfortable. The father bear kiss lasts much too long and makes everybody think to themselves, “Get a room!” Elements of a father bear kiss may involve obvious French kissing, the “head grab” or dipping, which can lead to falling, cuts, bruises, concussions, and a long wedding night spent in the emergency room instead of the honeymoon suite.

The ideal wedding kiss would be the mother bear kiss. Here are the elements of a perfect wedding kiss. First, it should last about four or five seconds, which is long enough for the photographer to get some good pictures and long enough for people to know that you mean it.

Next, it should be a kiss that does not make your families uncomfortable, which means NOT exploring each others' dental work in front of God and everybody. Your lips should press together gently but purposefully with your heads tilted only slightly to allow for your noses. Tilting your heads too much means the only thing you’ll see in your pictures is the top of somebody’s head, depending on who leans which way.

You should NOT touch your partner’s face or grab their head because then your hands get in the way and ruin the pictures. The “head grab” comes off as too aggressive, even if both partners do it. Instead, the bride should place her hands demurely on her husband’s strong shoulders and the groom should gently clasp his bride’s waist in a classic embrace without dipping. Honestly, I have never seen a wedding kiss dip that worked.

As an aside, my father-in-law, Bob, married his wife, Barbara, in 1949 and was warned at the rehearsal by HIS future father-in-law, Harvey, not to prolong their wedding kiss. Being a bit of a smart Alec, Bob said that he would kiss her long enough to silently sing to himself, “My Dog Has Fleas,” which is the song that Arthur Godfrey would sing to himself while tuning his ukulele. He was admonished by the preacher, who could see that things were getting out of hand and warned that the wedding should be a solemn occasion. At the actual wedding, just before the kiss, Bob sang quietly into his bride’s ear, “My dog has fleas,” which tickled them both as well as the minister, who had a smile on his face. I guess it helps to have a sense of humor. Bob and Barbara remained married until her death in 2004 while Harvey passed away within a year.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com