Put a Ring On It

The exchange of wedding rings is something that most all weddings have. I have done one wedding that did not involve exchanging rings, but that was a situation where the groom had no ring finger to speak of. Unless this is true for you or your beloved, you can expect the exchanging rings to be a part of your ceremony.

The most important thing to remember about the rings is DON’T FORGET THEM! I have done the odd wedding where we had to find a couple of rings to stand in, one of them being a skull ring. Unless you want to get married with a skull ring, you want to make sure the rings make it to the service.

When I arrive at the venue on the day of the wedding, the first thing on my checklist is to make sure the rings are here. If not, we still have time to send somebody to the hotel or house where they were left.

The question arises next of who will carry the rings during the service. Sometimes there is a ring-bearer. It is generally not a good idea to give the actual rings to the ring-bearer for a number of reasons. They may set the pillow down somewhere and forget where the left it. If they are very young they may not cooperate during the service and in fact may run the other way screaming. 

If they are old enough to be dependable during the service, it is still not a good idea to let the ring-bearer hold the actual rings because to tie them on good enough so they don’t fall off means somebody (usually me) has to untie them during the service, which can be tricky, and my hands are already full with the text of the service.

If having the ring-bearer actually carry the rings is the genuine wish of the bride, then I suggest giving the rings to the ring-bearer at the very last second before sending him down the aisle. That leaves a lot less to chance. Mostly I would suggest giving him fake rings to carry and giving both the rings to the best man. My reasons follow.

These days, I suggest to couples that they let the best man carry both of the rings during the service instead of giving the groom’s ring to the maid of honor to carry. One of the main reasons for this is that the maid/matron of honor is already holding two sets of flowers by the time you are exchanging rings, so a good division of duties is helpful to everybody here.

Before each service I will usually prompt the best man on how to give me the rings during the service. First I tell him (or her – I’ve seen grooms with a best woman before) to relax and not to hurry. We aren’t running any races here, so they can take their time. Then I tell them to either keep the rings in their pocket and then drop them in my palm or to simply put them both in the same box and then present the open box to me so I can simply and easily pluck them out.

The best man SHOULD NOT hand me the box, or boxes. That is the worst thing to do to a minister. I am already holding my book and don’t have the extra hands to deal with the boxes. Of course, another option is to give the rings to me before the service so I’ll already have them, avoiding the need for a ring-bearer or ring hand-off altogether.

The best man is also a good person to put in charge of making sure the minister receives the paperwork (the license and final payment, if applicable) before the service. After the service you will be busy with family and photos, so you need to take care of your wedding business either at the rehearsal or before the service as many ministers don’t stay for the reception and will generally need to get back to their families and prepare for Sunday services.

The last thing I have to say about your wedding rings is that they should fit really tightly, especially the groom’s. You don’t want to feel like your ring is going to slip off as you work with your hands as many men do, so you want to size it about half a size small. It only follows, then, that it would be difficult for another person to put that ring on your finger. What I advise couples to do at the ring exchange is to gently push the ring onto the other's finger as far as it will go and then stop and wait for the words they will be repeating. If you can’t get the ring over that last knuckle then just let the other do it themselves. Nobody in the audience will be the wiser.

The important thing is to NOT get caught up in these props, which is what your rings are to your wedding ceremony. If you struggle with the ring it may hurt your mate or become a distraction to her, to the audience, and to me. What you want to do let your future partner finish sliding in on the rest of the way and to listen to the words that you will be repeating after me at that moment. Nothing causes a case of uncontrollable, nervous giggles like the struggling at the ring exchange, so prepare for it. Putting rings on each other is not something you do every day so you may even want to practice doing it at some point before the service.

As for the bride’s engagement ring, I usually suggest that you either leave it in your dressing room (or somewhere safe) during the service, put it on your other hand, or simply leave it on and swap it with your wedding ring right after the service so that your wedding ring is on the inside, closer to your heart..

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com