Use of Wedding Props (Candles in the Wind)

Last post I briefly touched on having a Unity Candle Ceremony during your outdoor wedding service and how it is hard to do without the right know-how and planning. Here is an entire post dedicated to the use of props during your service, which depends on both personal preference and choice of location.

Some couples don’t use props because they don’t want the extra tasks props require, especially if they are doing much of the work themselves. It’s easier for this type of couple to choose a service that does not require props that have to be bought, brought, and put out for the ceremony – plus actually dealing with the props during the service and the anticipation of dropping or otherwise messing up the whole thing.

You have many options for that symbolic part of your service that usually happens after the vows and rings have been exchanged and which often involves props.  Beyond the unity candle there is the sand ceremony, the rose ceremony, the hands ceremony, the wine ceremony, the water ceremony – the list goes on.

The biggest considerations for these ceremonies within your ceremony is handling the actual props, moving around in a dress with a long (or even a short) train, and the responsibility of making sure the props make it to the wedding and are set in the proper place for the service -- and whether or not your choice of prop works outdoors or indoors, whichever you have selected.

Let’s look at some of the choices.

The Rose Ceremony involves exchanging roses as the first gifts to each other as husband and wife, then keeping a place just for roses in their home. Putting a rose there says to the other anything from “I love you” to “I am sorry,” depending on the circumstance. This works indoors or outdoors with no moving around for the bride and groom. Usually the best man and the maid (or matron) of honor will carry the respective roses or they will be placed where the minister can get them when the time comes.

Hand Fasting or Hand Binding involves loosely tying the bride and groom together with a long cloth-- either matching the brides dress or of a tartan variety – while I recite the words of the Hands Ceremony. Many couples don’t do the actual tying but just hold hands while I recite the words. If you do actually tie your hands together, the cloth needs to be at least four feet long and some rehearsal is needed to make sure all parties know how it works. The hard-core types will actually do the hand fasting over an anvil like they did during Celtic times. This prop works well indoors or outdoors, with or without the anvil.

The water ceremony and the wine ceremony simply involves drinking in turn while I recite specific words and works well indoors or outdoors. Nervous, shaky hands are the biggest culprits here. Best to use water instead of real wine in case some is spilled. Usually no moving around is required. The cup can be placed where the minister can get it when it is needed.

Practice using the actual props in advance is a good idea, especially for the sand ceremony.  Get some cheap play sand to practice with and save the colored sand for the service. This creates a keepsake for your mantel piece. You want to be sure to use a wide-mouthed jar to pour into and more slender containers to pour from. Keep in mind that if the wind really kicks up at an outdoor wedding, the sand ceremony can be risky and an eye irritant.

Making unity candles work outdoors is very difficult. The only way it ever works is to use glass covers over them. Even with the glass globes they can be hard to light even on the seemingly calmest of days. 

Most importantly, if you use glass covers, you risk serious burn if you grab them too close to the top where they can get really hot. Remember to grasp the glass covers down low where they are still cool. Hopefully your wedding planner or minister would remind you just before your service. There is still the risk that you will forget, or that an unexpected draft will blow out the candles while they are briefly uncovered -- or that it will simply be too windy to light them.

It is uncomfortable for everybody when a couple struggles to light the unity candle outdoors, just to have it blow out as soon as they walk away.  I have seen a harpist’s fingers practically bleed while waiting for the couple to get the unity candle lit. I think I saw somebody ordering pizza. I usually suggest that the couple simply pretend if the candles won’t stay lit on the first two or three tries.

Another big decision for the unity candles is whether or not the bride and groom should blow out their individual tapers after together lighting the center candle, which depends on the preference of the bride and groom and their religious leanings (or the opinion of any mothers that happen to be around). If asked, I always suggest they leave all the candles burning as nobody is dying here. It depends on your denomination and beliefs and should your decision to make.

If having a unity candle is really important to you, maybe consider planning for an indoor wedding where there is less risk of burn or the candles blowing out. Otherwise, you might consider one of the simpler symbolic services or avoid using props altogether.

Whatever your plans, give careful consideration and lots of thought (and practice) to using props in your wedding service so they can be an important and meaningful part of a beautiful ceremony and not a distraction that steals the dignity that your special day deserves.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com