The Finishing Touches on Your Northeast Georgia Wedding

In this post I will talk about the actual order of who walks in, and out, and when, and how, and some of the finishing touches that I usually try to put on the customized services that I perform. These are the things I always think about and see to, so if you are one of my victims, know that I will be watching out for these things so you don’t have to – but it might help to know the inside story. If you haven’t read my previous posts, it would be good to do so now just to see how we got here.

Once you have signed off on the final version of the text for your wedding service (see my earlier posts regarding vows and creating a ceremony), the only thing left to discuss is the finer details.

First you would look at the room or area where you will wed. Let me say that the best thing is to avoid steps if possible. I do lots of weddings at the Day Chapel in the State Botanical Gardens of Georgia, located here in the Athens area. It is perhaps the premier wedding location in Northeast Georgia.

There are two steps at the front of the altar of the Day Chapel. Unless you have a huge wedding party (five or more bridesmaids/groomsmen), I prefer to stand on that top step and keep the entire wedding party on the floor – for a number of reasons, starting with the avoidance of steps. I hold my breath when I see a bride approaching steps. If you ever have to negotiate steps at your wedding, remember to hold your flowers between your thumb and index finger and use the other fingers to cinch the front of your dress and pull it up so you don’t trip over the front hem.

Another reason I like to keep the entire wedding party on the floor is because it keeps the action closer to the attendees, making for a more intimate wedding. When I’m put way back on the stage then I’m some twenty feet from the front row. I don’t mind speaking louder (I always make sure the people on the back row can hear. Don’t you hate going to weddings where you can’t hear the minister?) But I can use a more gentle tone when I’m closer to the people. And I think the bride and groom enjoy keeping it closer too. I think it feels more supportive to have their family literally closer to them.

Keeping the ceremony on the floor also provides space for your live musicians, sound systems, flowers, and unity candle (or any other props) that are a part of your service.

And another reason for avoiding those steps is for all of the bridesmaids, dads, flower-girls, ring-bearers, and groomsmen and their risk of falling as they go up and come back down steps. Again, the larger wedding parties pretty much have to use the whole stage, but some brides simply want to use the whole stage regardless of the size of the wedding party, and of course I defer to that. The brides’ wishes ALWAYS come FIRST.

Regardless of where you marry, there is a general structure to how things go in a wedding service. Again, there is no right or wrong, just generalities. The preference of the bride is what matters most.

Let’s back up to the very beginning.

The seating of the mothers and grandmothers is pretty much the kick off. All of the incidental music before the service ends and a song is usually chosen for escorting in these ladies. The order generally goes: groom’s grandmother(s); bride’s grandmother(s); groom’s mother(s) and bride’s mother(s). There is a variation of this order depending on whom you talk to, but this is what is generally followed in the weddings I do.

After the mothers and grandmothers are seated the minister, groom, best man, and groomsmen enter from a side door, in that order, and stand facing the back of the room waiting for the ladies to walk down the aisle one at a time. The bridesmaids song starts and they slowly enter, starting with the one on the outside and working inward to the maid of honor who goes last.

Now, if you are in a situation where the groomsmen ARE escorting the ladies to the alter (either out of the bride’s preference or because there are steps or other impediments that make it better for the bridesmaids to have an arm to hold onto) then only the minister and groom will walk out together, face the back of the room, and wait for rest of the wedding party. Another variation is for the minister, groom, AND best man to walk out together, but that means the maid of honor will have to walk down the aisle alone (she is usually the last bridesmaid to walk in).

Once all the bridesmaids are in the only thing left is to send the ring-bearer and the flower-girl down the aisle. The flower-girl should go last thing before the bride, so the ring-bearer would go first if you have both. The best thing is for them to stand right in front of the best man and maid of honor, who will hopefully keep them in place and urge them to walk back down the aisle together when it is their turn. Often they will go and sit with a family member. Whatever they do is fine. They are basically ice-breakers anyway.

NOTE: the bride’s mother usually stands first when the bride appears in the back. That is a moment of honor for the mother of the bride and a signal to everybody else to stand for the bride. More recently, the groom's mother is asked to stand at the same time in the more contemporary weddings.

As the music fades I usually give some words of encouragement to help you relax. Let me say right here that you should not feel like there is anything you need to remember (unless you’ve chosen to memorize your vows, which I highly discourage). I will have the text of your service in front of me and will tell you what to do and what to say as the service progresses. You should just relax and enjoy it, taking mental pictures and soaking up the feelings as they come.

Advice at the ring exchange: if you can't push that ring over your beloved's knuckle, let them do it. You should not struggle with it or hurt the other trying to force the ring on, but rather let them finish putting it on while you pay attention to what you are repeating. Also, it is best to let the best man hold both the rings during the service because your maid of honor will be holding both your flowers and hers at this point.

Once I pronounce you husband and wife and the bride gets her flowers back, you turn and face everyone, I usually pronounce you as Mr. and Mrs. Jones, recessional music starts and you walk. Once the bride and groom clear the last row of chairs, the flower-girl and ring-bearer will walk together (if they are there and with the help of the best man and maid of honor if needed). If they are not there, then the best man and maid of honor will look at each other step out into the middle, best man offers his arm, maid of honor takes it, and they walk.

When they are halfway down the aisle the next couple will look at each other, step out to the center, groomsman offers his arm, bridesmaid takes it, and they walk – and so on until they are all gone.

Then, if this is part of the plan, the mothers and grandmothers are escorted out, starting with the mother of the bride and going backwards from the way they were escorted in. The minister will hold his place until those family members are taken away.

Now, two things can happen at this point. If there are final instructions for the audience regarding the reception, I would have the musician or DJ fade the music and I give them at this point. Then I ask the music person to bring up another song for the brief moments while the room clears. That is a magical moment, with the hubbub of excited guests that deserves a nice pad of music under it, preferably NOT the song the bride walked out to, but something completely different. That is a nice finishing touch that comes with years of experience.

And the last finishing touches are pretty simple. When they first walk in, all of the wedding party should face the back of the room as they wait for the bride. The groomsmen should stand with their hands in front, left over right, all the same. The ladies should hold their bouquets not too high (which covers the neckline of their dress) and not too low (over their privates) but somewhere in the middle, usually with their thumb about at about the bellybutton level. This depends on the size of the bouquet and the cut of the dress.

As the bride walks in with her escort, the entire wedding party should literally keep her in front of them a she is the focal point of the day. If they do this, once the bride gets to the front they will all be turned inward at an attractive angle -- and in unison, which makes for a nice bit of polish.

And at the recessional, as the groomsmen and bridesmaids wait for the couple in front of them to walk, they should NOT shift, but simply stay in their spot until it is their time to go. The only movement they should make once they are in place is to rotate to keep the bride in front of them.

As the bridesmaids and groomsmen come together in the middle to recess, they should look at each other, step out at the same time, gentleman offers his arm, lady gently clutches it at the crook and they walk together. At rehearsals I tell the groomsmen to remember: lobster claw, chicken wing, which means make a loose fist like a lobster claw and put it over your belt buckle while sticking your arm out like a chicken wing. It gets a laugh but it helps them to remember.

The very last detail I see to before a wedding is to give the groom a fresh, clean, white handkerchief for the bride in case she cries (or needs it because of the heat at an outdoor wedding). People don’t carry handkerchiefs anymore, but if there is one day when you need one, it’s your wedding day.

-Rev. Sam

www.revsam.com